baat hui na poori re…

Everyone says they need a closure in order to move on with the events that will follow the end of something. Whether that something be a relationship, a friendship or somewhere in between or outside those realms, closure is something that as humans we desire when a chapter of our lives is ending. Somewhere along the way, it was decided that in order to pack up, to pick up the pieces and move on with our lives, we needed to get closure on that part of our lives we were saying goodbye to. Tell someone how you feel, say what is on your mind and in your heart and don’t leave anything unsaid. As cliché as it sounds people believe that you need closure because you may never get the chance to say how you feel ever again in your lifetime.
Is it really better to hash out the anger, the frustration, and the emotions? Is that what’s going to make things easier on anyone?

You’ve been through a terrible break up, the kind where there’s no yelling or screaming, there’s just silence in the air. Words are being said but they aren’t being listened to. So many memories are replaying and you’re left wondering how you let it get this far. There aren’t any words to say. The silence fills the room and it’s deafening. That silence speaks however; it speaks a million words a minute. It speaks the words that these two people are afraid to speak out loud. So the silence remains and the words left unsaid remain there, suspended in the air where they will stay.

If you said how you felt, if you took those words out of the air and let them roll of your tongue would you leave people better because of that? Would it help others to hear what made you walk away from that relationship? Would it help others to hear why you think the friendship ended? Maybe you don’t have reasons and there isn’t anything left to say on your end. How do you explain something that you can’t even understand yourself? Do you make up words in order to make the other person feel like you aren’t leaving things unsaid?
Truth is things will always be left unsaid. That’s the way we work. You have this whole plan in your head about how the big conversation will go and then the other person hits you with a response that you didn’t prepare for. You had the script planned out in hundred different ways, trying to guess what the other person was going to say so that you would know what to say next but they hit you with something you didn’t see coming and now the script is ruined and you don’t know how to ad lib. You leave the conversation feeling no less of a burden on your shoulders than when you got there. As you drive home you think of all the other points you wanted to make and all the other things you wished you told them. It’s too late now; you were supposed to leave it all on the table. Now table is empty and the words remain in your mind.

In the movie version of your life the audience would know the words that you never mentioned. They would get a voiceover of your thoughts as you watched that person walk out of your life for good. In the real life version that person views this situation as over and so do you.

What you didn’t say will remain in your mind and in your heart. You will carry those thoughts and feelings with you throughout the course of your life. You’ll think of this person when you hear a certain song, or watch a certain movie and you’ll be reminded of the good times.

You won’t be reminded of all the things you wish you told them, those things will fade with time. No matter what conversation we have in life, there will always be the lingering thought that we could’ve said or done something differently. I live under the notion that everything happens for a reason. As hopeful and optimistic as that may be, and as hard as it can be to accept under certain circumstances, it’s pretty much always rang true in my life. The closure that we either get or we don’t get from others helps us in the rest of our relationships.

Sometimes it’s better to keep our thoughts and our feelings inside our heads rather than hurt the ones in front of us. Let them believe what they want to believe about how you are doing or why you’ve stopped talking. The story in their head remains there and remains unsaid. It’s probably best if you keep the story in your head as well.

Pyaar Possible <3

“Good Night, BBie, Sweet Dreams”, The message which was supposed to be the end of the day for us actually proved to be the start of the new journey. It sparked a whole new life in the conversation and the willingness to talk more and more kept on increasing.

From that moment , I knew that I wanted you to be a part of my life, lovers or just friends.
The best things come unexpected, you were a clear example of that. I knew that you were too good of an opportunity to pass up. For the longest time before I met you, I was known as a guy who opens up only to people whom I know and the reason for that was because time and time again I was hurt emotionally in the past.

When I talked to you, I knew that there was something different about you, I wanted to talk to you even if it meant rejection or just friends.

Taking it back a few steps, the first audio message of yours replays over and over in my head. You may not know but when you talk to me, my whole mentality of a guy who never opens up went away and a new mentality of “just go for it” kicked in.

Me being myself, I still kept in mind that, you are a beautiful girl, and every guy in the college would kill to be close with someone like you. With that new mentality, I kept to it. I started asking you for going out with me and slowly but surely you started to open up to me, taking it from me being a “stranger” to a “friend”.

I know that I fell in love with your personality and your looks were just a bonus. I heard that in your voice, you genuinely not only cared about me but everyone around you. Your caring nature makes me love you more and more each day. You’re the reason why my days are so happy. From the moment we start talking during the day to the moment we say goodnight, you never fail to make me smile or laugh. You’re everything that I wished and hoped and I am finally blessed with someone just like you.I didn’t know who you were in the past. I fell in love with the girl who chooses to be in the present.

So, to the love of my life, my friend, you are amazing and even though you don’t see it, you are. Rain, hail, or shine, I will always be by your side “No matter what”

Just a month new or almost a month Old !

Almost a month into my job, the uneasiness of the first week got off slowly as I had experienced Week 2 ,3 and 4 and just completed the celebratory, ‘Month One’.

It is a rose tainted glass journey indeed for someone like me who just started his work-life. The enthusiasm was high, did new things on the job; sometimes I surprised others but more often I surprised myself! This was the period where still I was new to know-it-all yet old enough to know something, a confused place to be; but surely an enjoyable state.

The feeling of knowing that my colleagues have accepted me yet with the self-doubt if I have. The tiny achievements through the weeks to the not-so-significant goals for them. The joyous feeling when I took my first holiday and the lost/disconnected feeling that followed, when I was back. It is confusing yet charming.

The journey of my first job in the first month was profound. The memories I made during this time, the relationships I built with people around me, the confidence I shared in my environment to make my workplace a better place. I would be partially right , this is just like your computer lab in college where you go to finish assignments, dressed up as it is the rule, sit with your friends and work.

People in my work place have indeed facilitated my settling in a smooth process.I have met/ spent time with most of my office members in one way or the other, helping me understand from where they come from. I haven’t taken special efforts to be pushy but have let time take its path and kept myself open to conversations. There have been successes and failures, both have been laughed off, accepted, worked on and all the other things that could go wrong. I reckon, “There are a million reasons to hate your job, just one “determination” to love it against all odds!”

The journey ends here. Or maybe it begins !

It’s now been almost a month post graduated and I know that I am almost late by these many days to make this blog post but nevertheless here it goes…

How do I sum up all the years I spent in college? How can one begin to describe a journey which seemed oh-college-then-job-sort-of-cliched yet never failed to create a new perspective with every passing year? How can one possibly able to do justice to all those memories lived, just by writing one blog post? I would dare not. Hence nothing of this is about college. He he.

Two more months and everyone will get busy with their own jobs, own careers, own lives. Sure everyone would promise to stay in touch but let’s be honest here, we all know how that would turn out to be. You want a quick proof? Just count the number of school friends that you are in touch with now? This is just another phase which gets repeated every year, only with different people. We are growing up. We are getting ready to face the world outside the door. We are becoming one of them. We are trying our shoelaces to go out there and find ourselves in the crowd. The sea of anonymity outside our doors is waiting to swallow few thousands of us. And we are trying to sail our boats. Towards the future. We haven’t seen the future yet but will it stop us from sailing? No.

Some will survive. Rest will become particles. Particles which will ultimately reach the shore; not sooner, later. But isn’t the race all about to reach there faster? To earn more? To spend more? To become the king of our own little kingdom?

And then one fine morning, when you wake up from your slumber, you realize you’ve never actually slept. The years have gone by in front of your eyes, and you’ve let them pass. You have seen them passing and you remember every year, every month, every day, every minute and every second, passing in front of your eyes; eyes which were wide open, dreaming about something which never existed in the first place. You keep telling yourself lies until they become an integral part of you. You become the part of the world which you’ve created for yourself, and the funny thing is, you feel suffocated. In your own goddamn world. The reality acts as an oxygen mask, and no matter how much you hate it, you can never dare to remove it.

You actually start seeing the pattern, you start predicting things, and you predict them correctly nine out of ten times. And you know why you fail the tenth time? Because a small part of you still expect things to be how you want them to be. And when this tenth time gets repeated a thousand times, you realize the randomness. You start being one of them. You stop being you, you become them. You become a particle. You become the randomness.

You realize how life has been fucking up your plans since forever. Sometimes it’s suffocating, sometimes it’s hysterical and the rest of the times it’s just plain nothing. The depth in which your choices echo till you scream your lungs out. An infinite in which you are falling relentlessly, opposing every force of this universe. A life which is a rock bottom in itself, and it keeps hitting you, till you feel numb.

When everyone around you has defined the term success in their own way and are constantly rating you on their petty scales. When your family starts worrying about your decisions that you haven’t taken yet. Then, my friend, you start realizing how the society has managed to win. Maybe for a brief period of time. But it has won. And it will keep winning till you stop this race. Till you stop thinking if you are reaching the shore faster or slower. Till you stop thinking if you are earning more or less. Till you start focusing only on things that matter, that you want to pursue.

Thodi Si Zindagi

Ham sabki zindagi, kahaniyo jaisi nahi hoti, magar har insaan ki zindagi, kabhi na kabhi,  kisi bhi tarah, apne aap me ek kahani zarur ban jati hai. Kuch palon ki tarah, ek nadi si behti hui, wakt ke samandar me kho jati hai. Waise to ham kabhi nahi bhulte ke is safar me ham ne kitne kinaro ka sahara liya hai, wo pal, wo safar, wo yaadein marte dam tak hamare sath rhete hai.

Ye hai zindagi ka sach, jo chaaha wo kabhi paaya nahi, jo paaya wo kabhi chaaha nahi, jo socha wo kabhi mila nahi, jo mila wo kabhi socha nahi. Jo khoya wo yaad aata hai, par jo paaya sambhaala jaata nahi. Kyu azeeb si paheli hai zindagi, jisko koi suljha paata nahi.

Jeevan me kabhi samjhauta karna pade to koi badi baat nahi hai, kyuki jhukta wahi hai jisme jaan hoti hai, akad to murdo ki pehchaan hoti hai. Zindagi jeene ke do tarike hote hai. Pehla jo pasand hai use haasil karna seekh lo aur dusra jo haasil hai use pasand karna seekh lo. Zindagi jeena asaan nahi hota. Bina sangharsh koi mahaan nahi hota, jab tak na pade hathaude ki chot, patthar bhi bhagwaan nahi hota.

Zindagi ka ye safar hame bahut kuch sikhata hai, haste rote, girte sambhalte. Chehre ki hasi se har gam churao, bahut kuch bolo, par kuch na chupao. Khud na rootho kabhi par  sabko manao. Raaz hai ye zindagi ka, bas jeete chale jao..

If life dosent turn out the way you want,turn the way life wants you to be. Na koi shikayat, na kisi pe gussa. Jeene ke to sau tarike hote hai jab nazar hai manzil per , iraade hai pakka aur hausla hai buland, har raasta tumhe manzil ki taraf le jayega.

Sun Yaar… Chill Maar..

Have you ever said to someone, “you’re making this too complicated”? If so, you have made a mistake. What you actually meant is “you haven’t made this simple enough.” The point is that complication is the natural state. We don’t need any effort to make things complicated; they already are. We need to make an effort to make them simple. And, as the world becomes more complex and faster-moving, that effortbecomes more and more important. The only solution to more complexity is more simplicity. More than anything else, it requires an ability to step outside the complicated problem and see it in a completely new way.

Good people are good at answering complicated questions. Great people are great at asking simple questions. 

Happy New Year :)

2014 was good. Ups and downs. Highs and lows.  A lot is lost and a lot is gained. A few friends turned into acquaintances, a few acquaintances turned into friends. All is a part of his plan. I love the feeling of starting fresh, even though I had done this over a 100 times now, every time I think of starting again, a positive energy rushes in, leaving all the bad vibes behind. Hope is just a 4 letter word but how much it can change a person’s perspective towards living.

You never know what’s going to come your way next but you at least know which route to take.  Another year to screw things up, fix things up. Another year to fall in love, fall out of love.  Another year to march towards your dreams, be woken up by reality. Another  year to chalk out a few plans, dismiss a few.  Most importantly another year to learn, another year to fulfill your purpose of living.

Here’s to all those people who did matter, who won’t matter any more.
One thing you ought not to forget if you want to survive in this cruel world which is getting crueler by the day- “Nobody cares. Get your shit together. Work harder.”

Farewell to you 2014.
2015, Bring it on !!