baat hui na poori re…

Everyone says they need a closure in order to move on with the events that will follow the end of something. Whether that something be a relationship, a friendship or somewhere in between or outside those realms, closure is something that as humans we desire when a chapter of our lives is ending. Somewhere along the way, it was decided that in order to pack up, to pick up the pieces and move on with our lives, we needed to get closure on that part of our lives we were saying goodbye to. Tell someone how you feel, say what is on your mind and in your heart and don’t leave anything unsaid. As cliché as it sounds people believe that you need closure because you may never get the chance to say how you feel ever again in your lifetime.
Is it really better to hash out the anger, the frustration, and the emotions? Is that what’s going to make things easier on anyone?

You’ve been through a terrible break up, the kind where there’s no yelling or screaming, there’s just silence in the air. Words are being said but they aren’t being listened to. So many memories are replaying and you’re left wondering how you let it get this far. There aren’t any words to say. The silence fills the room and it’s deafening. That silence speaks however; it speaks a million words a minute. It speaks the words that these two people are afraid to speak out loud. So the silence remains and the words left unsaid remain there, suspended in the air where they will stay.

If you said how you felt, if you took those words out of the air and let them roll of your tongue would you leave people better because of that? Would it help others to hear what made you walk away from that relationship? Would it help others to hear why you think the friendship ended? Maybe you don’t have reasons and there isn’t anything left to say on your end. How do you explain something that you can’t even understand yourself? Do you make up words in order to make the other person feel like you aren’t leaving things unsaid?
Truth is things will always be left unsaid. That’s the way we work. You have this whole plan in your head about how the big conversation will go and then the other person hits you with a response that you didn’t prepare for. You had the script planned out in hundred different ways, trying to guess what the other person was going to say so that you would know what to say next but they hit you with something you didn’t see coming and now the script is ruined and you don’t know how to ad lib. You leave the conversation feeling no less of a burden on your shoulders than when you got there. As you drive home you think of all the other points you wanted to make and all the other things you wished you told them. It’s too late now; you were supposed to leave it all on the table. Now table is empty and the words remain in your mind.

In the movie version of your life the audience would know the words that you never mentioned. They would get a voiceover of your thoughts as you watched that person walk out of your life for good. In the real life version that person views this situation as over and so do you.

What you didn’t say will remain in your mind and in your heart. You will carry those thoughts and feelings with you throughout the course of your life. You’ll think of this person when you hear a certain song, or watch a certain movie and you’ll be reminded of the good times.

You won’t be reminded of all the things you wish you told them, those things will fade with time. No matter what conversation we have in life, there will always be the lingering thought that we could’ve said or done something differently. I live under the notion that everything happens for a reason. As hopeful and optimistic as that may be, and as hard as it can be to accept under certain circumstances, it’s pretty much always rang true in my life. The closure that we either get or we don’t get from others helps us in the rest of our relationships.

Sometimes it’s better to keep our thoughts and our feelings inside our heads rather than hurt the ones in front of us. Let them believe what they want to believe about how you are doing or why you’ve stopped talking. The story in their head remains there and remains unsaid. It’s probably best if you keep the story in your head as well.

Classic example of how to handle media

Sunny Leone was working in the adult entertainment industry in the US when Bigg Boss, the Indian version of Big Brother, invited her on the show. Little did she know then that it would be her ticket to Bollywood.
In 2011, Leone accepted filmmaker Mahesh Bhatt’s offer and signed her first Bollywood film, Jism 2. She hasn’t looked back since. Today, Leone is one of the most bankable Bollywood stars. In her four-year career, she has acted in films across several Indian languages such as Kannada, Telugu and Hindi.
Her earnings and fame put her at the 45th place in Forbes India Magazine’s top 100 celebrity list in 2015. And she was the most searched person on Google in India in 2015— for the fourth consecutive year.
Yet, despite her various accomplishments in Bollywood and as a businesswoman, 34-year-old Leone was subjected to a rather humiliating interview by an Indian male journalist on CNN-IBN’s talk show, The Hot Seat.

Leone has been candid and unapologetic about her career in the adult entertainment industry in North America.

Bhupendra Chaubey, a veteran TV news anchor, spoke to Leone at Mumbai’s Mehboob Studio. The interview was part of the ongoing promotions of the Indian-origin Canadian actor’s upcoming adult comedy film, Mastizaade. But Chaubey hardly mentioned her new film or any of her other successful Bollywood films. Instead, he focused almost entirely on her earlier career as a porn actor.

Leone has been candid and unapologetic about her career in the adult entertainment industry in North America. And she was just the same even when sitting across from a moralistic Chaubey. During the 30-minute interview first aired on Jan. 15, the anchor found it hard to believe, even looking visibly perplexed, that she did not “regret” her career in porn.
Do you not sometimes get affected that your past, the past that you were a ‘porn queen’, will continue to haunt you? Or maybe it will continue to pull you back?
I wonder, and pardon me if I am being offensive here, how many people would think in terms of growing up to be a porn star?
He even found it hard to utter the word “porn.”
You would still do the kind of shoots, the kind of work you used to do, before you came into Bollywood?
Is your past now literally, figuratively a thing of the past now? Is that something that you think about? I began by asking you if you had any regrets, and you spoke about your mother, and if I was to turn the clock back, would you still do what you did?
Leone, admirably, remained calm throughout the interview—mostly smiling. She explained that she was proud of her work in the porn industry.
Everything that I have done in my life has led me to this seat. Everything is a stepping stone… I met an agent, and when I saw these photos of these women, I didn’t think it is vulgar. I didn’t think it is wrong. I thought it was beautiful and sexy. They are free, and they are doing what they want to do.
Chaubey, constantly interrupting Leone to make his own point, dug out every possible negative statement or sentiment mentioning her.
Atul Anjan, who happens to be a member of parliament of the CPI, has consistently gone on record, and mind you, he is not the only one, the way he holds you responsible for corrupting Indian minds, Indian morality. When these kinds of comments are made, how do you react?
Leone, on the other hand, handled the questions deftly—and politely. “I am waiting for Obama to make a speech about me,” she joked.

“You think that Aamir Khan would ever work with you?” Chaubey asked Leone next—a question she rightly pointed out must be asked of the actor.
“Would you want to work with Aamir Khan?” he went on. She said yes.
“So you would like to work with Aamir Khan but Aamir Khan wouldn’t want to work with you? How would that reflect on you then?” he probed.

Chaubey even sought to put the burden of India’s obsession with porn on her.

And there was still no stopping Chaubey. “There are some who believe that if Sunny Leone is becoming a brand ambassador of sorts of this new India, then it is a very dangerous trend to have. There are many housewives, there are many Indian married women who look at Sunny Leone as a threat to their husbands. They believe their husbands are all going to be taken away by Sunny Leone,” he commented.

She replied: “Sorry, I don’t want your husbands at all. I have my own, I love him, and he is hot and sexy. He is very smart and very talented. Sorry, ladies.”
Calling her an “item” girl, Chaubey asked her whether she took acting as a serious profession—surely a question no other major Bollywood actor would be asked.
“There are some viewers of mine who are saying that your identity remains that of your past, which is your association with pornography, and porn stuff. They believe that you are not an actor, still not an actor, some are accusing you of lowering the level of the fine art of cinema. Is that a just criticism?”
“Do you believe… you have a body… is it your body that will take your everywhere?”
“Are you saying we will see movies of Sunny Leone in the future where Sunny will be dressed up from head to toe, in a saree, covered completely?” (“Yeah, of course,” she said.)
Chaubey even sought to put the burden of India’s obsession with porn on her. “Since you have come in the mainstream, the number of people who are watching porn in India has, in a proportionate manner, increased to the extent that we are now the largest consumer of porn. Is there any correlation?”

“I didn’t create that,” she laughed the question off.
Maybe Chaubey needs to look at how India’s internet and mobile penetration has increased in the last four years.
Then came Chaubey’s worst, as he said: “A lot of chatterati (sic) that takes place, you see a Sunny Leone film, and you get morally corrupted. I am wondering whether I am getting morally corrupted because I am interviewing you.”
A poised Leone merely said, “I can leave, if you want me to.” That seemingly made the host a bit panicky, and he said, “Not at all, not at all…”

Leone’s fans and celebrities alike have come out in support of her.

Soon after, Chaubey published a rebuttal of sorts on his blog, conceding the fact that he was obsessed with her past.
“The only reason why Sunny Leone… would have qualified to be on my show, is because it’s her past now evolving into her present, which is the story waiting to be told,” he wrote in the post.
Chaubey’s justification notwithstanding, the interview was a lesson in both how not to do it and how to—depending on which side you are.